Women are not from Venus and men are not from Mars. Such foolishness contributes to the great emotional divide between the sexes. The opposite sex are similar in so many ways it can be quite hilarious. Men and women were taught socially (not genetically engineered) to communicate differently. The more society advocates that Boston men and women are worlds apart the more confused and scared they are about trying to understand each other. These lessons are in constant contradiction with each other so miscommunication and the break down of relationships are inevitable. The ironically funny and sad part is it is so much easier for total strangers to sleep together than for two people in a committed relationship to share personal thoughts and feelings with each other. How horrible is that?

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It is often said that 50% of marriages in America end in divorce. The truth is that that statistic is questionable at best, but even if the real number is closer to 30% it means the odds of splitting up are far too high. That doesn’t mean a divorce is in your future and that you are doomed from the start, far from it. However, it is a good reason to make sure you practice communicating with one another. And if you have the same ideas and expectations about what does marriage really mean, then you will further increase your odds of staying happily together. As mentioned, each of you will probably have a different definition of what being married means to you. There is nothing wrong with that, you are both individuals. However, it is a worthwhile exercise to create a common definition of marriage as well. One that you can both agree with, and the one that will be what your marriage is about. You can both keep your own definitions, of course, but they should be in harmony with your agreed up definition.

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Most people would count their wedding day as one of the happiest days in their lives. Marriage is often defined as “two people taking a voluntary vow to remain together for life”. That’s a fair definition of marriage, but it isn’t going to do much for keeping you happy. So, that leads to the question of what marriage really means. Perhaps the better solution is to define what marriage means to you. Then ask your spouse (or soon to be spouse) what their definition is as well. This will give each of you a better idea of what the relationship is all about. It can also give you interesting insights into what your partner thinks about being married, and lead to a meaningful conversation about the subject.

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Let’s face it, most couples will never take the time to do this. That’s a shame because it helps to bring you even close together. It helps build good communication. On top of that, you will both have a much clearer idea of what your marriage means to you. Besides, it doesn’t really take all that much time when you consider the impact it has on a lifetime of happiness. Once you have decided what marriage means, you can both then work to protect it. Can you imagine the positive impact this can have on your relationship? How wonderful! There is no second guessing what the other person really thinks, and you will both be made stronger because of it. It doesn’t seem too far-fetched to say that if every couple did this, then the divorce rate would be much lower than it is now. Finally, you will notice that we are talking about coming up with your own personal definition of what marriage means to you as a couple. Sure, the dictionary and legal definitions are important to know, but they can’t compare to coming up with your answer to what does marriage really mean.

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Relationships fall apart out of selfishness and both parties need to share the blame. Men do have feelings and Boston women are taught to take them for granted or completely ignore them. Women are taught to demand affection, demand love, demand passion but never taught to extend that to the men in their lives. People tend to underestimate the value of good communication. A relationship with open and honest communication is a relationship that will weather the test of time and emerge stronger. Ironically, in that OWN series, the marriages that survived many years after the indiscretions were the ones that took advantage of counseling and engaged in honest self-reflection and honest communication with their partners and themselves. It is always refreshing to hear the men, in their own words, admit to their role and what they truly needed from the women in their lives. It has becomes very predictible that the women’s responses to the men are “I did not know.” Those responses are from assumptions that men bounce back quicker and resolve difficult emotions almost immediately so they do not need any extra love or attention. They are perfectly fine and dandy. Think again Boston ladies! They are in great inner turmoil.

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